Sex is more than just a physical activity, it is an emotional experience, and a great tool when it comes to building a bond with your partner. However, as we go through different stages in life, it is normal for us to notice one change or the other.
Sex and other forms of physical intimacy are important in every relationship, and just because you’re aging, doesn’t mean you have to give that up. However, we can’t just overlook the fact that we undergo big changes as aging kicks in. So, let’s first of all define what these changes are, before we get into how to maintain a healthy sex life regardless of such changes.
How Aging Can Affect One’s Sex Life
As a person grows, it is normal to notice several changes in not just their minds, but also their bodies, and some of these can affect sex. Some of these changes are physical, and they apply to both men and women. As you grow older, one of the first things you notice is your joints don’t work as perfectly as they used to when you were much younger.
Many older people live with conditions that affect their mobility, such as arthritis, osteoporosis, etcetera, and since sex requires physical exertion, older people with these kinds of conditions choose to hit the brakes when it comes to sex.
Besides physical changes, older people also undergo big emotional and mental changes. These can be caused as a side effect of medication for depression, seizures, anxiety, etcetera. Or it can be caused by the loss of a spouse, or even declining self esteem. All these mental changes can inhibit one’s sexual tendencies; therefore, resulting in a poor or even nonexistent sex life.
Now, these are just some of the general changes older people experience, but aging also causes major changes in a person’s reproductive systems, and of course, men and women have separate experiences.
Sexual Changes in Aging Women
Statistically, only about 50% of women over the ages of 60 are sexually active, and menopause has a lot to do with this. When a woman hits menopause, her reproductive years are literally over, and this comes with huge changes in her sexual function.
For starters, menopause means less estrogen, which is the hormone that maintains female sexual characteristics and sexual organs. So, with the body producing little estrogen, the following changes occur:
- Low sex drive
- Longer arousal time
- Thin vulva
- Shrinkage and thinning of the vaginal walls.
- Less lubrication of the vagina.
As a result of these changes, older women could experience painful vaginal penetration, loss of interest in intimacy, higher irritability and delayed orgasm.
Sexual Changes in Aging Men
For men, it takes a little longer before the aversion to sex kicks in. Over 70% of men above the age of 70 still maintain their sex drive and therefore, remain sexually active. However, men also undergo one or two big changes in their sexual functions as they age.
Like women, aging men also require longer arousal time, and many of them have longer refractory periods after ejaculation. This means once they reach orgasm, it could take longer than usual to begin another sexual cycle and reach climax again. Another big change is erectile dysfunction.
I know, it’s a condition many men are scared of, but it is quite common in men above the age of 70. In fact, two in every three men over 70 struggle with erectile dysfunction. This is caused by declining testosterone levels, but also as a side effect to some medications.
With all these listed changes, it’s hard to believe that you can still maintain a sex life as you get older, doesn’t it? Well, it is possible, but some adaptations will have to be made to accommodate these changes and the body’s new needs.
How to Deal With Changes
Acceptance
Change can be very scary, but it doesn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It is normal to not be able to bend your body in ways you could while you were younger, or to notice a little sag here and there, but it’s okay. Totally normal, and you have to accept that. If you don’t, it’ll affect your confidence level, and sex isn’t so great when you’re holding yourself back.
Communicate and Build Intimacy with Your Partner
The importance of this cannot be overemphasized. While you experience all that change as you age, it is important to take your partner on that journey with you. Talk about your fears and desires, try new things, go out on dates, spice up your relationship. Don’t forget good communication is the foundation of intimacy, which is important to have good sex.
Practice Foreplay
Many people think foreplay is all the sexy stuff that couples do before the main event goes down, but that’s not all. Foreplay lasts longer than just a few minutes before sex, and it involves more than just sexy stuff. It involves physical touch, spending quality time with your partner, romantic gestures, and any other expression of love, really.
Remember both aging men and women experience longer arousal time, so, this means longer foreplay. The foreplay might be as long as 24 hours, it could be more or less, but just remember what’s important. The best way to get in the mood is foreplay, which is basically loving up on your partner.
Prioritize Safety Too
As much as it is important to have fun, remember to take it easy, and only do the things that are safe. For aging women, it is a bad idea to let your vagina be penetrated forcefully or without lubrication. To counter vaginal dryness, it is advisable to use lube, which allows easy penetration and reduces incidents of vaginal tears or bleeding.
If you have underlying health conditions such as high blood pressure or heart related diseases, it wouldn’t hurt to check with your doctor if sex is safe for you. But more often than not, sex doesn’t not complicate heart issues. In fact, it could even be a form of cardiotherapy. But if you’re recovering from a heart attack, it’s best to wait for a go ahead from your doctor before you have sex again.
Last but not least, it is still important to be weary of STDs. As long as you’re sexually active, you’re at risk of contracting STDs – HIV, herpes, syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, etcetera. Use protection if you have multiple partners, get tested from time to time, and maintain an honest relationship with your partner.
Explore, Find What Works For You and Stick to it
In the light of all these changes you’re likely to face as you age, you need to find what makes you and your partner comfortable and stick to it. Also, don’t be afraid to explore. It is advisable to try as many sex positions as you can and stick to the one that’s most comfortable. You could also try sex toys: they can help speed up arousal and spice up sexy time with your partner, or alone if you’re down for masturbating.
For men with erectile dysfunction, try positions where the woman is on top. And if you have bad knees, or a bad back, try out positions that are easy on those parts of your body. Bottom line is, the more you explore, the higher your chances of finding something that works for you.
Redefine Sex
Many people define sex as just vaginal penetration, but there are more ways to achieve sexual pleasures. These include erotic massages, kissing, touching, groping, and more sensual things like oral sex, masturbation, hand jobs, really, let your mind roam free. Don’t limit sex. Expand your definition of sex, and you’ll be surprised what you could find. While you’re at it, try as much as possible to be in the moment. No need to set expectations, just go with the flow and prioritize fun and pleasure with yourself or your partner.
Seek Medical Help
Remember that sexual wellbeing contributes to your general well being. If you’re struggling with your sexual wellbeing, that’s not normal, no matter your age. Poor sex health could be an indication of underlying problems, and doctors are equipped to help you deal with it. You might need hormone therapy, or to work out a treatment plan, but remember, it’s not embarrassing to ask for medical help.
Conclusion
Sex is a beautiful thing, and aging is not a good enough reason to give it up. You can have sex at any age, as long as you’re willing and ready to give it a shot. Good luck!
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